Summer

It is already August and I haven't written a word on this blog all summer! I am so embarrassed at the amount of time I spend scrolling through pictures and posts on Tumblr, causing me to neglect my blog! I miss writing, I miss reading other blogs, and I miss being able to look back at all of my old posts! (I can still do that, of course, but a year or so from now, I'll find that I had basically fallen off the face of the earth for the past year due to my extreme lack of posting.)
As I've been brainstorming about my college essay, I've discovered that my creative writing juices have been clogged by an increased intake in pictures. As much as I love to look at pretty pictures, and as inspiring as they can be, it seems I've gotten into a lazy funk, scrolling through pictures rather than words because it's just, simply, easier.
I've decided, though, to vow to write more. I love staying up late on a random night, letting my fingers graze the keyboard, spilling out stupid stories and underdeveloped characters. I can spend hours scrolling through pictures that I will never remember, pressing one simple button to put them on my blog, and as convenient that is, I feel as if I am becoming increasingly lazy, finding it easier to reblog someone else's post rather than post something myself. I've started to find my own pictures from Flickr pages I've discovered myself, but even that has become somewhat routine.
In short, I've found myself in simple routine that, from the outside, seems creative and educational, due to the photographers, websites, and cultures I have learned about through constantly reblogging, but it is time I spend less time being inspired from hundreds of other people, and start inspiring myself. Of course, I might never stop using tumblr, because the website makes it so easy to learn about things that I find most interesting, but I need to devote more time to my own blog, where I can search for myself, and write, and ponder, and comment on life rather than just look at it for a second or two and never really go beyond the surface.
This is the last year that I will be living in my house, seeing all of my friends every single day, knowing every single person in my class and my school, and have comfort in knowing that people know who I am. I need to start reaching out and relying more on myself rather than other people and things, because I'm leaving for college soon and I have no other choice but to grow up.

PROM PROM PROM

Okay, so I OFFICIALLY have everything set for the one day of my teenage life where I can have almost everything EXACTLY the way I want it. Do I sound conceited? Yes. Do I care at this point? No. Because I'm about to have the best night ever :)
Anyway, rather than expressing my extreme excitement (which I can't even put into words, hence the poor explanation) I will dedicate this post to my SHOES.
Now, I am not usually a "shoe" girl (I have three pairs of shoes I wear every single day, and two of them are sneakers). At first, I wanted to go with a simple, nude pump to tone down my cobalt blue dress. I searched at TJ Maxx finding heels too high or sizes too big, before I came across what I thought were the perfect shoes at none other than my favorite store of all time: Target. I bought them for about 20 bucks, and they looked so perfect with my dress.
The second I put them on, though, my mom started telling me I needed to add "bling" to them to dress them up a bit. I kept telling her that my dress was so bright, I needed the shoes to tone them down a bit, but she eventually convinced me that I needed to add more to them.
After searching for inspiration here, I set out on an adventure to Joann's to search for ribbon and other pretty things. As I walked down the aisles, I came across a shelf with "headband accessories." My sight immediately went to the stack of peacock feathers. I showed them to my dad, laughing, remembering the twenties headband I tried on at the dress shop. I walked around aimlessly, leaving the feathers behind, searching for goodies. After a while, with nothing in my hand but blue ribbon, I came back to the feathers. I started to look closer at them and think of ideas. My dad and I agreed that the little blue in the feathers would match my dress perfectly, and after a quick call to my mom for advice, I was on my way home with two peacock feathered "headband accessories."
After some trial and error, I attached the accessory to my shoes and I fell in love.

Before:

AFTER!




p.s. sorry for the awkward/poor quality photos. my camera is broken so I have to use photobooth... haha

Why must you act that way? Like the world revolves around you, like everything I say is wrong, like it is my mission in life to make you miserable. The world does not revolve around you. In case you don't remember anything from earth science, the world revolves around the sun. Last time I checked you are not the sun. The world will not revolve around you. People will not change their plans to fit around your needs. This night is not all about you. It is about us. It is about our entire class, about our friends, and the people we care about. Why don't you want to capture memories with all of our friends? Why must you complain about me to my best friend? Why is it such a big deal that I want to get as much done as possible?
I am sick of you. I am done dealing with you. I am sick of you complaining when others make a suggestion. I am sick of you blaming other people for something they didn't do. I'm sick of you expecting people to give you the work they worked hard on so that you can copy it. I'm sick of you thinking that you are the sun. You are not the sun; you are not even a star. You are an asteroid, creating craters in relationships and contentedness.

I hate high school. I hate bratty, selfish, spoiled, immature people. I hate having to ride the bus home everyday and having to deal with stupid little 7th and 8th graders. I hate that I'm letting it bug me this much. I hate all the stuff I have to do and that I'm overwhelmed so I can't get anything done. I hate that my mom won't let me drive even though I've had my license for almost 2 months. I hate being so angry. I hate that I can't enjoy anything anymore. I hate being the friend that everyone forgets about. The one that is always left alone. I hate being a pessimist and hating everything. I hate SATs and SAT prep. I hate AP classes. I hate how my entire future relies on how successful I am in the next three months and how I haven't been doing my best because I'm so busy. I hate dealing with obnoxious people. I hate dealing with immature people. I hate dealing with everyone. I hate when people don't understand, and then I hate myself for expecting them to understand. I hate expecting so much from people. I hate not being inspired or even motivated to do anything. I hate how nothing works when I want it to. Ever. I hate that a girl in my school is pregnant, and a girl at my mom's school is pregnant and my aunt lost her babies.

I hate that I'm so sad all the time.

NEW LAPTOP!

Hello!
I FINALLY bought a NEW laptop that actually has WiFi and actually loads faster than a turtle and clicks where and when I want it to. I haven't been the best blogger lately because I have been going through the hell that is midterm week, but the week is over, and I have lots to share. So, now that I have better access to the internet and far more time, I will be able to write a lot more often!
So, some topics that you should expect to hear about it the near future:

- PROM!
- Glamour Gals
- School/College venting
- Jewelry parties
- SKINS! (and Greek)
etc, etc, in addition to many random posts to help me through my day.

Here is a loverly photo of moi from photobooth on my brand spankin' new MAC!
loveeeee,
H :)

Hello Again

Merry Christmas!
I hope everyone's holiday was fantastic! I had a great day. I woke up at about 8:30, finished knitting my sister's scarf, wrapped it and went downstairs.
After waking up my father, my sister and I went downstairs to open our stockings and presents. I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of gifts I received, due to the fact that I told my parents I truly did not want anything (I've been saving up for a Mac Book.)
In all, we finished opening our presents and drove down to my grandparent's house. We hung out, ate snacks, read an article on my great-grandfather's grocery store, and ate a delicious dinner. I know it sounds cliche, but I really love this time of year solely because I get to see my family. We have Christmas parties at my mother's dad and stepmother's house and her mother and stepfather's house. Christmas day, we open presents, eat a delicious egg dish, and then visit my dad's parents. It is wonderful.
After the joy of Christmas, I can only count down the hours until New Year's (my favorite holiday) because all of my cousin's from my dad's side come up to my grandparent's house. We all shop, lunch, dine, catch up on all that we've missed from each other (since we only see each other during this time and maybe once over the summer.) It is a wonderful, happy time and I never ever want it to end

x

A few weeks ago, I learned, from an article in the New York Times, of a website designed for young writers. I immediately typed www.figment.com into my browser and signed up.
Posting in the forums and reading the stories has given me back my inspiration and motivation to write. It was two years ago this vacation that I started my first novel, and have since finished the story line, but have yet to edit and improve it. I still haven't even looked at it since this vacation started, but have started two other stories since starting my membership.
I have published on my page a short story I wrote, and a few poems that I had originally posted on here a year or so ago, but other than the short story, I have not published anything of much significance. I hope that by the end of this vacation I will have let myself publish on the internet something that I have let no other eyes read before. Because, after all, this is the year of taking chances. I have gone out of my comfort zone many times already since starting school, and I can't keep myself back now!

If you would like to read any of my writings, follow me here

I will end this post with a few songs that I have found inspiration in and have found myself putting on repeat:


I love how it starts off slow, and then does the same song again, but more faster. Plus, the lyrics are amazing.


I think I'm just really into the slower songs right now...


Tragic but adorable.


Shun me for listening to Disney music, but I'm actually in love with this song...


I could honestly listen to this song over and over again. It's like an acid trip for your ears.


I will always love The Kooks.


I usually don't listen to rap, but...
1. I love the slow tempo of this.
2. As much as I dislike Kanye, his rap makes me smile everytime I hear this song
3. Cudi is so precious in this video.


This song semi inspired my story line. Plus, every favorites playlist I have has atleast one song by The Kooks.


I hope your holidays are festive fantastic!
-H

Renaissance

So, last night I was reading some of my old posts, looking back on my year. I smiled as I remembered the good times and sighed at the not so good times. All in all, I noticed how much I've neglected my blog. With over a year of posting and over 100 posts, I have changed a lot. And so have my posts. Though, I noticed that as this year progressed, my posts became shorter and more boring. I began to take away the actual substance of my posts and simply post pictures with random little thoughts, or no thoughts at all. I realized that I had forgotten why I started my blog in the first place- to have a place to express my feeling to anyone who would listen, and to hopefully inspire people like other blogs have inspired me.
In addition, I have recently noticed that my entire Bloglovin' feed consists of pictures. My thoughts were further proven when I decided to download Picasa and realized that I have over 13,000 pictures saved onto my laptop. Not only is that awful for my harddrive, but my obsession with pictures and neglect of words caused my blog to become a screen, rather than a person. With my increase in reading blogs with simply pictures, my own blog morphed into the thousands of others that just reblog every new outfit trend and editorial. I forgot about my personality.
The way I've been treating my blog can also be paralleled to my current state of living. As I've gotten older, I've had a lot more responsibilities. Since getting my first job in April, my childhood has been quickly swirling down the drain. With my entrance into my junior year of high school, I have seemed to lose sense of who I actually am. Granted, many amazing things that I will hold with me for the rest of my life will stay with me, but I have seemed to lose those good things in all the stress of my life. All the pressure.
I started this blog to vent about my life and to share my thoughts. As my responsibilities grew, my creativity shrank. As the school work was piled on, my stories became pushed to the side. I always feel like I have to do things to please other people: my teachers, my coach, my parents, my friends, and I lose myself.
As I looked through my posts from the year, I noticed the loss of myself. The posts became shorter with less words, and my personality dwindled. There was no substance, nothing to separate me from the rest. I was just there, barely hanging on, with nothing to hold me back from falling over the edge.
That is why I believe I need to have a blog Renaissance. I will not create a new blog to start over, because I don't want to start over. I want to grow. I want to remember how I used to be, how the words rolled out of my brain into my fingers and onto a keyboard or a sheet of paper. I want to change, but I don't want to forget. I can not forget because if I forget how I feel, I will forget how to save myself from slipping off the edge.

I'm still alive:)
(semi...)

ph: shopbop swimsuit lookbook

[source?]

I didn't know it was possible to be so busy.
and tired.
and stressed.
and overworked.

and cold (in APRIL!)

Soon she's down the stairs, her morning elegance she wears.

Thank you Some Girl for the award ♥

and two people who very well deserve it: notebook doodles and saralouise




Here are some photos from NEW YEAR'S that I FINALLY got developed because Target's photo lab was FINALLY open :)
searching for waldo in Border's while a blizzard was occurring outside

my favorite shoes ♥
pretty flowers in the restaurant

the most delicious crepe i have ever had in my life

me trying to be artsy...

Beautiful People

Emma Watson

Rachel McAdams

Blake Lively

Emma Roberts

Dear Bus Riders,

75% of the time that I have my headphones in, I'm not listening to music. In fact I am eavesdropping on your conversations and can hear every single thing you say.

Love,
Hayley


(photo from weheartit)

SNOW DAY!

Our second snow day of the year. Usually we've used them all by this time! Even though we had last week off, this snow day was much, much needed.


Anyway, yesterday I got a lot of mail :)
Valentines from my cousins ♥


Six more letters to add to my collection of college letters...



Also, yesterday in school, I received...
two sweet 16 part invitations! They're both on March 6th, but at different times. But that day is also my little cousin's birthday! Hopefully she has something on a different day so that I can go to all three!
Trish's is earlier in the day at a wonderful dinner and a movie place!


Gretchen and Jamie's "Casino Night" themed party. I'm excited to have an excuse to dress up!!

Madlibs!

i love vacation :)
i don't want to go back to school...

I Love Playdoh.

I've been pretty bored...

The First Night of February Vacation

I came home from a stressful week and decided to kick it old school and plugged in my old VHS player and watched Free Willy.
I love watching movies from my childhood for the following reasons:
1. I love watching the previews and remembering the time when that movie was out in theaters yet... and only said "coming soon to VHS" instead of "DVD and blue-ray" or even "DVD and VHS"
2. Movie mean something different when you're 16 than the when you saw it when you were 6. I can now appreciate the lesson being taught, and I can understand better the feelings of the characters.
3. It brings me back to a time when everything was happy and nothing was ever stressful. everyone was nice and I didn't have to worry about almost failing chemistry and doing all of my global homework. It gives me some innocence and reminds me that there was a time and there will be a time when this will all blow over and i will be happier again.




Sadly, I can't find A Bug's Life,
but I think tonight's movie will be Toy Story.
:)

Dear Summer,

Dear summer,
I miss you.
I'm sick of school. I'm sick of winter.
I want your warmth.
Please come back soon.
Love,
Hayley

tumblr

"I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often."

Charles Bukowski

I need to get out of this pessimistic funk that I'm in.

sawdust and diamonds

Tea always make me feel better.
Maybe I should go drink some tea.

what?

homesweethome

i am emotionally unstable at the moment...