Ready to Leave Reality

I am not perfect. I expect too much from people and they end up disappointing me. I disappoint people because I don't listen well. I'm not good at confrontations but I try my hardest. I know when I'm wrong and I try to apologize for it. I respect apologies. I enjoy complements and I give out my complements genuinely. I respect people that are nice and pleasant. If you're mean to me or my friends or family, you're not worth my time. I believe in second chances, but you're not going to get one hundred of them. I go to church and I'm proud of it. Movies and books make me cry easily. I hate being fake happy, but sometimes I have to be. I try to be independent, but it's really hard sometimes. I try really hard to try hard in school, but sometimes I'm really lazy. I love being organized and making lists. I'm a control freak. Sometimes I come off selfish and conceited, but that's not who I really am. I have serious trust issues. The people I should trust I can't, and I trust people I know I shouldn't. I try really hard to be a really good person. I have a problem with talking about people to people that aren't on my side. I like to know what people are thinking and feeling. I hate not being able to read people. I blow up sometimes really easily. I've gotten into the habit of swearing too much. I get nervous easily when I'm talking to people. I'm constantly afraid of rejection, but I try to do things anyway. I'm nervous about applying to jobs because I'm afraid i won't get one. I'm afraid to run for a class office because I know that no one will vote for me. I wish I had more guy friends. I eat too much. I'm just beginning to have the will power to exercise daily. I hate talking on the telephone and my mom gets annoyed by it. Most days I think I'm pretty, but others I'm so self-conscious it's ridiculous. I swear I have undiagnosed OCD. I hate using God's name in vain and I cringe every time someone does it. I try to be easygoing, but I get stressed easily. I'm a procrastinator. I get nervous talking to teachers. I strive to be a perfect student. I'm an insanely jealous person. When I fall for someone, I fall for them hard, and then when they reject me, it takes me forever to get over it. I have so many people I wish I could be. But I am me. I am Hayley, and I am not perfect. But I am okay with that.