18 May, 2009

I am not perfect. I expect too much from people and they end up disappointing me. I disappoint people because I don't listen well. I'm not good at confrontations but I try my hardest. I know when I'm wrong and I try to apologize for it. I respect apologies. I enjoy complements and I give out my complements genuinely. I respect people that are nice and pleasant. If you're mean to me or my friends or family, you're not worth my time. I believe in second chances, but you're not going to get one hundred of them. I go to church and I'm proud of it. Movies and books make me cry easily. I hate being fake happy, but sometimes I have to be. I try to be independent, but it's really hard sometimes. I try really hard to try hard in school, but sometimes I'm really lazy. I love being organized and making lists. I'm a control freak. Sometimes I come off selfish and conceited, but that's not who I really am. I have serious trust issues. The people I should trust I can't, and I trust people I know I shouldn't. I try really hard to be a really good person. I have a problem with talking about people to people that aren't on my side. I like to know what people are thinking and feeling. I hate not being able to read people. I blow up sometimes really easily. I've gotten into the habit of swearing too much. I get nervous easily when I'm talking to people. I'm constantly afraid of rejection, but I try to do things anyway. I'm nervous about applying to jobs because I'm afraid i won't get one. I'm afraid to run for a class office because I know that no one will vote for me. I wish I had more guy friends. I eat too much. I'm just beginning to have the will power to exercise daily. I hate talking on the telephone and my mom gets annoyed by it. Most days I think I'm pretty, but others I'm so self-conscious it's ridiculous. I swear I have undiagnosed OCD. I hate using God's name in vain and I cringe every time someone does it. I try to be easygoing, but I get stressed easily. I'm a procrastinator. I get nervous talking to teachers. I strive to be a perfect student. I'm an insanely jealous person. When I fall for someone, I fall for them hard, and then when they reject me, it takes me forever to get over it. I have so many people I wish I could be. But I am me. I am Hayley, and I am not perfect. But I am okay with that.

05 May, 2009

Cinco de Mayo

i love spanish colors and patterns. they're so bright and happy and fun, and just make me wanna dance (:

03 May, 2009

Hello Again!

Well, I haven't written in a while! I've been so busy, but good busy! And happy...good happy! So, some of the things that have been on my mind...

The tennis courts have been a place of drama lately. Good and bad.
Today is Kenzy and Spencer's one month anniversary. I would tell you the whole story about how their union started all sorts of drama, with him changing their relationship status on facebook before Kenzy got a chance to tell any of her friends, or how our small school found out that a freshman is going out with a junior, but none of that matters anymore, because Kenzy and I had a nice little chat and our school got over the drama and moved on to someone else.
Spencer and Melissa are very good friends. I felt a but left out, though, because I wasn't aquainticed with Spencer at all, and I felt like i should be. Friday, we had a half day and like half of my class went to Hershey for a field trip. We had a tennis match, so Kenzy wasn't there, who Spencer always hangs out with and Tommy and Curt weren't there, who I usually hang out with. When I was sitting in the grass, after Spencer finished his match, he came over and sat by me. We talked about a lot of things, and I think we really became closer. He talked about Kenzy like she was the best thing ever, which is how he should. I actually feel more comfortable around Spencer now, and I really think thats important. Spencer and Kenzy (Spenzy!) are perfect for eachother, and I think that they'll be together for a very long time.
Katie, who is my friend, kindof... i don't even want to talk about. Honestly, she is just getting on my nerves like crazy. All i have to say is that i think she's just an insanely jealous person, and whatever i do that i do without her, she gets pissed, and I just don't even want to deal with her.

I've been exercising lately, i really wanna get toned for Philadelphia. I'm going with national junior honor society a week from friday and we're staying at a hotel with an indoor water park... and i need to get rid of my winter fat.. ew. Although, i havent been doing taebo... haha, my mom just found her old tapes, and i thought they were too good to not share... they're soo goofy. haha.

Okay, right now i really want to write but my mom and sister are fighting like crazy and i can't concentrate. so, i'll talk to you later! have a wonderful sunday and a fun week (: