18 May, 2009

I am not perfect. I expect too much from people and they end up disappointing me. I disappoint people because I don't listen well. I'm not good at confrontations but I try my hardest. I know when I'm wrong and I try to apologize for it. I respect apologies. I enjoy complements and I give out my complements genuinely. I respect people that are nice and pleasant. If you're mean to me or my friends or family, you're not worth my time. I believe in second chances, but you're not going to get one hundred of them. I go to church and I'm proud of it. Movies and books make me cry easily. I hate being fake happy, but sometimes I have to be. I try to be independent, but it's really hard sometimes. I try really hard to try hard in school, but sometimes I'm really lazy. I love being organized and making lists. I'm a control freak. Sometimes I come off selfish and conceited, but that's not who I really am. I have serious trust issues. The people I should trust I can't, and I trust people I know I shouldn't. I try really hard to be a really good person. I have a problem with talking about people to people that aren't on my side. I like to know what people are thinking and feeling. I hate not being able to read people. I blow up sometimes really easily. I've gotten into the habit of swearing too much. I get nervous easily when I'm talking to people. I'm constantly afraid of rejection, but I try to do things anyway. I'm nervous about applying to jobs because I'm afraid i won't get one. I'm afraid to run for a class office because I know that no one will vote for me. I wish I had more guy friends. I eat too much. I'm just beginning to have the will power to exercise daily. I hate talking on the telephone and my mom gets annoyed by it. Most days I think I'm pretty, but others I'm so self-conscious it's ridiculous. I swear I have undiagnosed OCD. I hate using God's name in vain and I cringe every time someone does it. I try to be easygoing, but I get stressed easily. I'm a procrastinator. I get nervous talking to teachers. I strive to be a perfect student. I'm an insanely jealous person. When I fall for someone, I fall for them hard, and then when they reject me, it takes me forever to get over it. I have so many people I wish I could be. But I am me. I am Hayley, and I am not perfect. But I am okay with that.

6 comments:

Morena Doll said...

You're Hayley and you're adorable and you have people that love you.

And you have people out there (ME) reading this and feeling touched because this was such a beautiful raw and honest post.

You're so lovely.

this wheel's on fire said...

what honesty!

Morena Doll said...

Where have you been?
I miss your really sweet comments. :(

this wheel's on fire said...

how are you?!

Mandy said...

Hello, i given you an award.

Chelsea Bryan Knights said...

You have such a cute and matter of fact writing style. Love it!