16 December, 2010


So, last night I was reading some of my old posts, looking back on my year. I smiled as I remembered the good times and sighed at the not so good times. All in all, I noticed how much I've neglected my blog. With over a year of posting and over 100 posts, I have changed a lot. And so have my posts. Though, I noticed that as this year progressed, my posts became shorter and more boring. I began to take away the actual substance of my posts and simply post pictures with random little thoughts, or no thoughts at all. I realized that I had forgotten why I started my blog in the first place- to have a place to express my feeling to anyone who would listen, and to hopefully inspire people like other blogs have inspired me.
In addition, I have recently noticed that my entire Bloglovin' feed consists of pictures. My thoughts were further proven when I decided to download Picasa and realized that I have over 13,000 pictures saved onto my laptop. Not only is that awful for my harddrive, but my obsession with pictures and neglect of words caused my blog to become a screen, rather than a person. With my increase in reading blogs with simply pictures, my own blog morphed into the thousands of others that just reblog every new outfit trend and editorial. I forgot about my personality.
The way I've been treating my blog can also be paralleled to my current state of living. As I've gotten older, I've had a lot more responsibilities. Since getting my first job in April, my childhood has been quickly swirling down the drain. With my entrance into my junior year of high school, I have seemed to lose sense of who I actually am. Granted, many amazing things that I will hold with me for the rest of my life will stay with me, but I have seemed to lose those good things in all the stress of my life. All the pressure.
I started this blog to vent about my life and to share my thoughts. As my responsibilities grew, my creativity shrank. As the school work was piled on, my stories became pushed to the side. I always feel like I have to do things to please other people: my teachers, my coach, my parents, my friends, and I lose myself.
As I looked through my posts from the year, I noticed the loss of myself. The posts became shorter with less words, and my personality dwindled. There was no substance, nothing to separate me from the rest. I was just there, barely hanging on, with nothing to hold me back from falling over the edge.
That is why I believe I need to have a blog Renaissance. I will not create a new blog to start over, because I don't want to start over. I want to grow. I want to remember how I used to be, how the words rolled out of my brain into my fingers and onto a keyboard or a sheet of paper. I want to change, but I don't want to forget. I can not forget because if I forget how I feel, I will forget how to save myself from slipping off the edge.

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